your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
