why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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