I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think people are normalizing furries
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
