I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
