but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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