don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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