At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
