Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
