True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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