So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
