So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my vag is so smooth its legendary
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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