what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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