Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
