I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
