Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
