I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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