i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
