So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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