Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
