what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
