He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
