Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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