she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
