There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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