I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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