is your mom at the bar?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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