i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
