I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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