I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
