My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
