P.S. I can't hear my feet
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
