I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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