Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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