Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
