note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
