We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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