The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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