Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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