You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
