Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
