if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
