My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
