Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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