some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
