I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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