I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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