I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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