hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
