So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
