I want to stick my p in your. b.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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