My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
