No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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