just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
