forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
