Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house