I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I smell stomach acid.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.