remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.