hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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