i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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