I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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