i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
