thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Holy sore nipples Batman
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
