so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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