she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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